Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
