im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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