I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
