I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
