I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We're too hungover to prance.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
