And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
