yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
