The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
