i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We left an ass print on the piano.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
