so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You're like the curious george of whores
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
