Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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