ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
