my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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