I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He shit in the fireplace
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
