xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
