forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
