he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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