Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
