Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
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it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
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