Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
