I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's never too late to be topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize