the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize