i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
