Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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