He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
