I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
