Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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