so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Hippo gnu deer
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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