The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
