Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
