It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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