About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
