is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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