all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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