Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
