I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
