What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
