hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
