If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
