How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
