Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
