don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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