Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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