im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
