the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she looked like the before picture.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
