Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
