FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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