so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
