Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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