whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
