Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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