i wish there were pregnant emoticons
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
