You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
