So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
