Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Houston, we have a blender
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
