im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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