I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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