It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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