You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
