Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
