i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
