he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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