Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
