two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
