I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Farmville is her only friend.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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