Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Hippo gnu deer
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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