Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
