WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
